for my selfish little wish

24march2006
i'm kinda ditched...felt sio much like a stab into my heart.i dunno why i still nt givin ya up though i was reali reali hurt.perhaps i had put in my true luv in ya.i deserve it actuali fer wat i had done in the past and now.i regretted sio long fer the mistake i made last time.and now i made another mistake.hmm seems tat ya r sio stress in ya jc life hope ya will bypass it.and yet i'm nt decreasin ya stress instead i'm addin on to it(haix)...
dun force urself as long as ya haf tried ya best...i like the smile ya always wore hope ya still be wearin it... though "sorri" was what i hated others to say but yet i was the one always sayin it.i'm sorri nt being able to be wif ya when ya needed someone.i'm sorri to haf stressed ya.i'm sorri to haf make ya sad.i'm sorri fer everithing.but still wif the sorri i wont be gettin ya back.
27march2006
it's finally FELICIA's birthday.lol.hmm gotta wish her a "happy birthday" on 00:00am haha...wonderin would i be the 1st one to wish her but nt important lah as long as she ish happi...hmm by right i should be the one gettin her the flowers den janice they all got it fer her le den make no point fer me to gif her liao...den thot of bears but the guys in her class got it fer her too..(oh my goodness sucha coincidence)den in the end i didnt get her anithing but still tinkin tat i should get her something.me and aaron was out havin dinner at chomp chomp(wasnt opened) sio we had to go to the hawker around the corner fer our meals.den while feli was out celebratin her birthday and she was complainin while travellin to marina bay..haha "i'm sio hungry sio far the distance.i'm sio tired" hmm but aniwae glad to know she enjoyed her birthday bleahx.Sweet seventeen fer ya, Feli..thx fer ya presence when i was down.and even when i was sio excited when i foound my songs haha

{ 12:17 am }

i dont know should i jump to conclusion on it annortx...i'm afraid that the history will repeat itself again..haix
i'm wonderin who ya was referrin at ya blog but i dare not make a guess.i cant even figure out what's our relationship now but i treatin ya as my gf.i dont know what's in ya currently i do realli want to know it.hmm i should not haf expected sio much.i always noe tis "GREAT EXPECTATIONS BRINGS GREATER DISAPPOINTMENT".sio i realli didnt expect more than juz a simple goin out with ya but my heart was no longer wif me anymore.it was wif ya all awhile since the day i know ya...i dont know what am i feeling now.i'm sio confused.it's such a complicated feeling.there was sadness.emptiness.lost.i dont know what am i now... i realli realli hope that we can still be together or should i say we are both alreadi together i hope ya can tel me sharon...

{ 11:26 am }

yesterday nite dragged along 2 of my classmates and justin along for a drink at outram.at a ktv pub.i was down juz sio down.i juz wanna get myself drunk.i dont know why am i missin her sio much.after 779days since she was gone from my life i haf never once forgotten abt her though in between the days i had 2 gfs but the reasons for the breakups was always her.my fren said i'm foolish.stupid.juz to hang on my life there and not continue to look forward and move on.but i would juz say she made a great impact in my life.the times wif her was the most beautiful.wif her i can be myself i did not haf to put up a strong front.i love her.she was the onli one i was lovin all while juz tat i never realise it in the past.we ordered a bottle of chivas and a jug of beer.i juz drank and drank.i puke 2 times.both wif lots of blood.hmm guess should be nothing wrong wif me ba.i juz wanna her back in my life.fer sio long i haf regretted of my mistake.fer sio long i haf been thinking of her.juz fer her to back wif me i dont mind changing.i can quit drinking.gambling.smoking.and every of my bad habits.juz simply fer her.as long as she is willing to re-accept me and give me one more chance.

i'm sorri sharon fer wat i had done.i'm willing to seek ya forgiveness and change to haf ya back.though mani promise are broken but i would still promise ya tat i would help ya gain back ya faith.sharon i love ya....

{ 1:09 pm }

"are we back together again?" it keep flashes in my mind.it haf been sio long since we get out together.juz the both of us but yet tis time i'm unable to say are we in a relationship or are we still juz friends...i'm sure ya noe what's in me.how i felt always towards ya.why i had been likedat. ITS YOU.the reason for my changes.fer the things i did fer ya.fer everything - ITS YOU! actually i didnt expect to be able to hold ya hands again.but each time i do it it reminds me of our past.our great times.our fun and laughter shared.our quarrels.and our brokeups.and too it reminds me of my stupidity.my foolness.my regretness.i wanted ya to back in my heart.the place which was once urs and always be.ya was my life.my world.a part of me tat couldnt be gone.without ya my life would be in a mess and sadness.my world would be incomplete.yesterday my tears was at the verge of fallin but i held it back.i dont want ya to see my sadness.it realli felt sio great to be wif ya.i never wanted to put down ya hand.i dont want to leave ya.i juz wanted to be by ya side but it could never be happenin.
SWEET MEMORIES - i need ya.i'm beautifully broken.i miss ya. Sarang heyo jiu zhi hui dui ni shuo.
sharon i realli hope to be able to say to ya I LOVE YA.i dont want to regret again by not able to say it to ya before i leave....

{ 3:28 pm }

hmm how should i describe my feelings today? happi?grateful? maybe i should juz say tat i was havin a complicated feeling today..sio long since i ever get out and chat wif gwenda so much today.sio sweet of her as i was the 1st person she asked fer haha :P though again the reason fer her nt to call me immediately was tat she didnt save mine no. in her current SIM card but still she gt it from j poh and nt from poh chuan if nt i wouldnt even get to see her today or animore coz tis possibly the last tym she ish back in singapore le..sniff sniff haha lol hmm she's gettin to australia after her O tis year and would not be able to see her liao if not maybe after a veri long time ba.aniwae nice chattin to her and glad to hear tat she's doin great though there may be some problems here and there but believe she wont be down tat easily de..gwenda jiayou fer ya grade 10(O level) tis year and fer me too kakaka of coz hope she can find her prince charmin one day..

{ 12:00 am }

9 march 2006...ya birthday ish here again.but tis birthday seems much more meanin than others as it may decide on our fate...hmm after 3years i still regret wat i had done.ya r nt at fault but it was me who ish such a fool.though i may haf wif other gals in these 3years but time and time the reason fer the breakups ish ya..i juz thot i cld washed ya off my mind i thot i wld nv miss ya when i dun see ya animore but i'm wronged. "Absence Makes the Heart Fonder" it indeed decribe best out of me...i noe we may nt be able to get back together again but still i dun wanna gif up.i would always be there fer ya unless ya say ya dun nid me anim0re.i dun juz like ya.but loves ya.watever the outcome ish between us i would gladly accept it and too wish ya would be always be happi...

{ 1:03 pm }

hiiee...i'm alex juz to get make a self intro if anione who wish to noe me...haha i noe i'm being lame and crappy hmm...tis bloggi ish a new one i juz created today.actualli i gt a blog le juz tat i kinda haf forgotten the link and i wanna start a new one too...:p and todae ish my 1st day of work too...but felt being cheated haha coz they called to ask me down fer work today and yet it turn out to be an interview followed by watchin of 6 videotapes(bored_sianx_lame) abt the jobs and environment etc. of the cinema...but no matter wat i still gt the job haha.and wld be goin down fer work at 12 tomorrow. sio everione outcha look out fer my upcoming posts...mani mani more are comin bleahx =D coz i'm goin to end of here fer my 1st post of my new bloggi...cyaz

{ 9:55 pm }